|Well, We Won't Need To Shop For Christmas In 2032|
|Date||January 17, 2029|
January 17th, 2029:
At Least We Won't Need To Shop For Christmas In 2032 -
Colin Rapazel, the self-proclaimed "Prophet for the 21st Century" announced yesterday, amid various predictions describing the coming year's weather trends and fluctuations in the stock market, that he believes we'll soon witness global disaster and the downfall of the worldwide political systems currently in power. All this, in three years.
When pressed for details, he appeared to lapse into a trance for exactly 21 minutes as a hushed crowd of believers and press awaited his response. After opening his eyes, he took several deep breaths before stating that Armageddon will occur on Christmas Eve, at 18:17, in the year 2032. Murmurs of disbelief and fear passed through the room, until one bold reporter asked which time zone of the world he was referring to. "He just shook his head. [Rapazel] didn't even seem to understand the question," said one observer.
Stores have reported declining sales of Mr. Rapazel's recent book, "The Ancestor's Endless Drink." However, following the press conference today, long lines of people queued up to get his autograph and copies of the book were disappearing as fast as staff could supply them.